Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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