you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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