Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
