he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
