i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
