It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This toilet bowl is my home.
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