My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
