i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
