just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
