so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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