I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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