Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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