I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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