I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
