He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
