I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My feet surprised me
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