should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
