Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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