That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
