It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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