i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
