My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
