He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
