What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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