no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
