How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
