good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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