Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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