I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
