Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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