O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
