i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
