The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
