Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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