If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
