marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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