Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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