I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
