She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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