God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
