i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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