seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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