If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
