I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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