the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize