Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
