I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
