there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
