He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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