Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i've created a new STD.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
