we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
