Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
