I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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