garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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