considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
