well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
