I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
