You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
