smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
