I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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