i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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