I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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