I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
