her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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