do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
