I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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