I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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