The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
