I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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