i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it was like eating out sand paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize