; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
