I just pynch a tree in the face
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
