HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
