Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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