One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
