Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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