It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
