did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
