Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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