real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
