hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
