i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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